Locked In A Haze (But You're The Key)
by Cookies and Ink
Summary: Sirius was looking to disappear, escape being an apprentice for Gregorovitch, escape life after studying at Durmstrang. Then he met James - a handsome, gorgeous Hogwarts student and everything changed - except it didn't.


**A/N:** Thank you to absolutely anyone involved in betaing this, you're all stars. Any challenges/prompts etc are listed at the bottom so has not to give anything away.

 **WARNING: This fic heavily features drug abuse and addition.**

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 **Locked In A Haze (But You're The Key)**

Sirius gritted his teeth as he pulled a splinter out of his finger. It was the third one today, which wasn't too bad, but he still swore loudly for good measure.

It wasn't like Gregorovitch was going to change his mind, suddenly go lenient on Sirius after what had happened, but it made him feel better. He watched time ticking onwards for a few moments before the tools on the desk in front of him started to rattle and glow. They were charmed to hurt him if they were idle for too long during work hours.

That was what Gregorovitch did: he reminded Sirius of his place. Always.

Setting his jaw, he went back to sanding the wands. At first, he'd been glad to do something other than extracting dragon heart strings from the bulk order of hearts that had come last week. Then the reality of sanding countless wands for hours on end, the sheer monotony of it had begun to drive him mad.

This was all part of Gregorovitch's aim to expand into selling wands in the UK. That was why he had opened a shop in Carkitt Market. It was somewhere ambiguous, bridging the gap between Knockturn Alley and Diagon Alley — two parts of town so starkly different that it was almost baffling.

Sirius found Knockturn Alley more comfortable; he very rarely went into the lighter, brighter area that was Diagon Alley. The only time he had visited recently was to spy on Ollivander for Gregorovitch.

His employer loathed the old English wandmaker with such a hatred that it was almost impressive. The fact that Ollivander had a prime spot in Diagon Alley was one sticking point in many. Sirius had heard the arguments so many times that he could quote them by heart.

After the forty-second wand had been sanded, the bell rang through the workshop, and Sirius put his tools down roughly, stretching his arms up into the air.

He needed a cigarette.

Truthfully, Sirius wanted more. He wanted a hit; he wanted something that would help the world fade away like he craved it to. But after being so high he destroyed half a container of beech logs, Gregorovitch had punished him to the point where Sirius had remisced about detention at Durmstrang — and now how those almost seemed to have been 'lenient'.

He had to stay sober at work. He was a Black, and he had gotten this opportunity to apprentice for one of the most famous wandmakers in the world. His family were proud of him for once. He could not lose this position.

Running a hand through his hair, Sirius grabbed a few Galleons and his packet of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, then headed out to the back. He was going to buy a pasty for lunch and then when his thirty minutes break was up, he'd be back in the workshop to try and get ahead of the day's quota.

He'd barely taken the first drag of his cigarette when someone came up to him. Sirius looked up, wondering if it was yet another person wanting to complain about Gregorovitch's new shop opening here, how it wasn't in keeping with the area (a.k.a British and traditional), but instead he found himself staring into the warmest pair of hazel eyes.

"I just came over to say that I love your shirt! Not many people have heard of The Screeching Griffins; at least, I'm the only person I know that listens to them."

He had a soft accent, and hair that stuck in every direction, which made Sirius wonder what it would be like to run his hand through it, to tug on and tangle his fingers in.

"Thanks mate, although I don't know who you're hanging out with. All my friends are into them; they're massive in Durmstrang right now."

"Right, yeah, didn't the lead singer used to go there?" James cocked his head and looked at Sirius appraisingly "So you're from Durmstrang? I go to Hogwarts myself. My name's Potter, James Potter."

"Sirius Black."

There was a split instant where they both looked at each other and Sirius raised an eyebrow slightly, a bitter smile on his face as James' expression faltered upon hearing his surname. In Durmstrang it had made no difference: he was the English boy, and that had meant he was bullied and targeted regardless.

But back in Britain, Sirius had realised quickly just how much weight and stigma his family carried with them; much to his parents' and brother's delight he was sure. All he wanted to do was keep his head down, not fail his apprenticeship, and feel the world disappear every so often.

"Well Sirius, you have an excellent taste in music," James said, clearing his throat and holding out his hand. "I'm here because I had no classes this afternoon. Is Durmstrang on a break or something? School holidays?"

Sirius shook his head.

"No, I left after I turned 16; I'm an apprentice to Gregorovitch." he jerked his head back at the shop as James blinked at him with those beautiful eyes, open mouthed.

"The wand maker? Wow, that must be amazing. You must be amazing."

To his chagrin, Sirius felt his cheeks heat. That made James smile and laugh, so it was almost worth it.

Those thirty minutes passed in the blink of an eye, as James walked with Sirius to get food. He paid for them both by 'accident', but Sirius learnt quickly that he couldn't argue when James smiled with his teeth like he did. Then he showed James the new fireworks shop that had opened up, both of them pressed up against the glass and bemoaning the charmed padlock on the door. Apparently there had been a few fire scares, so the Ministry was coming to inspect it and install some safety wards.

When he had to go back to work, his feet practically dragged.

"So you work here?"

"And live above the shop," Sirius said "I'm always in the back really, or doing odd errands. There's a few other people that work in the shop, Gregorovitch is normally in the main Belarus store, although he keeps opening new ones. Apparently he wants to branch out into North Africa to get concessions on ingredients."

"Nothing like Ollivander then. That shop's been there since before Diagon Alley existed, according to my father. He likes to study history." James paused for a second and then ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I've got quite a lot of free time amongst lessons and no plans this weekend, so maybe I'll see you around?"

"Sunday?" Sirius suggested, worried that he was coming across too eager, but this felt easy, fun. All things that he couldn't remember feeling in a long time.

"Sure, I'll be here around midday."

"See you then, enjoy school."

"I won't!"

James Apparated away smartly and when Sirius walked back inside he was smiling so broadly that Janet, the other shop assistant, went scarlet and then told him off for wearing dirty shoes through the floors she'd just spelled clean.

[ **One Month Later** ]

Sirius could barely open his eyes.

He tried to move, lifting his head up only to then realise he was falling off the sofa and onto the floor. His whole body was heavy, limbs floppy, and as his thoughts drifted through his mind Sirius found himself smiling and laughing weakly. It felt dangerous; it felt like nothing else existed which was perfect. Sirius was sure he was forgetting something but as soon as that thought entered his mine, it left again.

The room was so bright, it made his eyes feel like they were about to set on fire. His skin burned like was alight and as he stared up at the ceiling above him, it fell down, drifting like a white sheet to coat him. Perhaps he was dead. Perhaps this was his burial shroud. Perhaps this was it; just whiteness, laughter and the rush of the drugs still in his veins.

"Sirius?"

The voice floated through to his ears, the words popping like coloured bubbles around him. That made him laugh again.

He heard James come into the room and find him, crying out in horror.

"Sirius, Merlin's balls! Are you okay? What happened? Oh shit, are these… Sirius what drugs did you take? How much? Come on love, let's get you up, we're going to St Mungos." James kept talking, a running commentary of soft words as he tried to get Sirius into a sitting position.

"James? You look weird, you're all frowny behind your glasses," Sirius whispered and he touched James' lips to make them smile.

He'd just wanted to disappear, to get rid of the pain he was feeling; he hadn't meant to make James feel sad. He protested as James picked him up, and stumbled slightly as he hefted him into the air which made Sirius laugh.

"Shut up, you might be about to die in my arms because you took way too much, and you're a heavy, bloody—"

His last words were cut out with the pop of Apparition, which made Sirius cling desperate to his neck.

"Hey hey I've got you. Healer, can I get a Healer please?"

It was all lights and sounds, and it was too much so he focussed on the heat of James' body next to his. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Oh, Sirius,"

Sirius recognises Healer Rise's voice and relaxed a little, at least she was trustworthy.

"Excuse me? Do you know him? Can you help us?"

"Yes, of course, just follow me. Sirius has been in and out of St Mungo's quite a few times, mainly for similar overdoses. Do you know what drug he's taken this time?"

The way James described the vials to Healer Rose sounded wrong, the words clanging against Sirius' ears. They had looked so beautiful, but he'd known as soon as he'd taken the sip that it was too much. Whatever he'd been given this time, it wasn't right and so he'd reached for the mirror, the first gift James had ever given to him. Long distance dating was a bitch, as it turned out.

"He called me; I was in a lesson, and then when I tried to talk to him back all I could see was his arm. I'm... I'm his boyfriend. We're both of age." James sounded like he'd added the last part quickly, but Sirius knew that Healer Rose would never call his family. She had been the Healer he'd been seen by when he was seven years old, after his Mother had first used her wand on him. When Sirius had been half out of his mind on a bad trip, her name had come into his head and he'd demanded her, half terrifying the other two Healers that had come to see to him first.

"This is the third time he's been in — just put him on that bed. I'll get him to drink this potion, and he should be back with us within minutes."

It took nine — Sirius counted the seconds. As he came down off the buzz, he was wrapped in a blanket and slowly, he raised his head to meet James' gaze. "I'm sorry."

"We'll talk about it later, babe," James said, his face so full of worry that Sirius wanted to cry. "We'll sort this out. Okay? Just... focus on getting better."

Sirius nodded, but as Healer Rose came in he saw the same look of disappointment he'd seen before. How could he focus on getting better when Gregorovitch was his employer and dealer, when he was so addicted that despite it all he knew he'd wake up the next morning craving it?

Sirius had been naive, trusting his mentor when he'd said that the potions would make working with magic easier. It had all been a ploy — Gregorovitch had admitted it to his face, how worried he had been that the young Black would usurp him if he learnt all the secrets to wand making. Apparently, that's how he'd built such an empire; on a foundation of dependency, secrets and fear.

He tried not to think about that, just held James' hand. Their love had been sudden and all encompassing. They had seen each other every day for two weeks, James meeting him every day during breaks, treating him to dinner after the twelfth day. They had kissed just as it started to rain, Sirius in his leather jacket and James in smart robes.

At first, Sirius had thought he'd been some sort of obsession for the Potter heir. He was Durmstrang student, from a Dark family, working in a shop that bordered the rough part of town. But James had never seemed to care about that. It was like he could see through all the masks, all the labels and saw _him_. Sirius.

It was terrifying.

It was exhilarating.

It was everything Sirius hadn't known he'd needed; someone to care about him.

Healer Rose came in twice more, and Sirius was able to get on his feet after another hour.

"There's one plus side to all of this," James said, cleaning his glasses on a corner of his robes.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I finally got to see your apartment that you've been terrified to show me. I can see why; have you ever heard of picking your clothes up off the floor?"

Sirius stared at James and then found himself laughing, laughing so hard he was weak.

"I saved your life, you crazy bastard, but I nearly broke my neck tripping over your jeans. I mean," James continued until Sirius had to put a hand up to get him to stop, wheezing for breath.

"Priorities, Potter, Merlin and Morgana," he swore.

"You're coming home with me. I'll owl Hogwarts and Mum, you can just spend the night and you can tell me what's going on. Sirius, you mentioned that you did drugs but this…"

"I'll explain," Sirius whispered, "it's more complicated than you think. It's to do with… with Gregorovitch."

James just nodded, he didn't say anything, he didn't even seem to judge Sirius.

"I don't want to be a charity case, James. I can sort it out," Sirius began, but James just gave him the smile he loved, the one he couldn't refuse, and hopped up onto the bed next to him.

"You're stuck with me now, love, so we're going to work this out. I'm here with you every step of the way, and that means that you're coming with me."

Sirius didn't really want to argue. He was feeling tired now and he wriggled, until James wrapped his arms around him. "You told Healer Rose you were my boyfriend; we haven't used labels before. I like it. I hate that you want to be with me but I like it."

"Shhh Sirius, just rest now. It'll be okay."

For the first time in a long time, Sirius didn't want the world to disappear. He just focused on breathing as his boyfriend held him close.

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 **A/N:** This was written for Finals Round One of the Quidditch League Season 5. I am Beater 1 for the Montrose Magpies. ('Setting - Carkitt Market' / Optional Prompts: ambiguous / padlock / obsession)

\- Entered in Hogwarts: Ship Wars - Pairing James/Sirius / Write  
\- Entered in Hogwarts: Writers Club - Amber's Attic - The Devil (Write an addicts!AU)  
\- Entered in Hogwarts: Decorate the Christmas Tree - D5

\- Entered in Hogwarts: Advent Calendar - Day 15 (Bauble - Write about something fragile)


End file.
